Monday, February 13, 2012

Sometimes, Suddenly, Always

Days like today are always a wee bit challenging for me. I didn't sleep well. My shift at work is an extra three hours longer than normal. There is no home cooked food in the fridge and I have absolutely no idea when I will get back in my kitchen. My weekend will be half the normal length. I miss my other half.

I want to write. I want to write and eat and have a bay window to curl up in with a cup of tea. I want the time to read a book. I want to work on knitting blankets for the babies that are being made by my sister, heart-sister and sister-in-law. I want trees and gardens and things that are rustic and old. I want sunlight glimmering through branches. I want to practice cartwheels on real grass, falling, failing, laughing.

I want to be three years older, past this time in my life where everything is uncertain. I want to know where I'm going to be next year and be happy about it. I want to call a girlfriend over for lunch or a late glass of wine. I want to feel like I'm happy with a place. I want a kitchen, filled with light and color, with stainless steel appliances. I want to wear a little apron as I potter around making cookies, casseroles, stews, cakes.... comfort food. I want my fridge to be well stocked. I want a chest freezer. I want a puppy.

Mostly though, I just want my time back. I want to be in control of my fate again. Well, it'll be a while. But hopefully that will still come.

So since I can't cook right now, I write.

What do you want?

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